Kung Fu Congalala: Revengeace of the Ninjutsu Naruga Karuga
by 17dragonboy
Summary: If the title is any hint, a martial artist Congalala faces off with a Naruga Karuga (Nargacuga) in a wacky, crazy, and "epic" fight to the death.


It was a typical day in the wild forest region. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and somewhere out there some poor creature was being eaten alive by several predators. In any case, a small group of Kelbi was wandering through the forest looking for something suitable to eat, munching on berries and certain plants as they passed.

During their travel, they came across a large, pink furry mass the size of a large boulder; a Congalala. Normally they would run for their lives from a creature of such size, but the Congalala was a relatively non-violent creature (albeit a bit of a bully) unless provoked. Plus this one was sleeping, chest on the ground with its rump up high, snoring peacefully.

But then a stiff breeze blew in the direction of the Kelbi, directing the Congalala's stench towards them. After a moment of silence, one dropped stone dead and the others fled in a hysterical panic, screaming as they scampered off in all directions.

After sprinting through the forest, stumbling over roots and its own feet, one of the younger Kelbi slowed to a stop and looked back with a tear in its eye. Life would never be the same, it would be forever scarred, the horrible memories and nightmares would never cease, it would live a life of absolute cleanliness so that such a tragedy would never recur. It would have to start life over, grow some horns then grind them off, have a child and then bury it (and its mate for good measure).

Meanwhile, while the Kelbi contemplated the rest of its traumatic life, a Naruga Karuga lowered down from a nearby tree branch, hanging upside down behind the Kelbi. It held its arms out, then locked them around the Kelbi's neck. After just a second of struggle, the Naruga jerked its arms, snapping the Kelbi's neck, and then drew back into the shadows of the tree leaves as subtle as could be.

Back at the site of the incident, the Congalala let out a fart and startled itself awake. Looking around quickly, it noticed the dead Kelbi just a few feet away. It didn't think twice before it crawled over, grabbed the Kelbi, sat back on its butt and started eating. Some mistook the Congalala as an herbivore, when it was actually an omnivore, though this particular Congalala told his girlfriend he'd go vegetarian, but that was stupid and she wasn't around anyway.

Over the wet sounds of the Congalala devouring the Kelbi, it heard something rustle in the forest, quickly causing it to stop chewing and look around cautiously. There was another rustle, and then another somewhere else, but the Congalala couldn't discern what was out there.

Suddenly several knife like objects came flying at the Congalala, making the ape leap backwards to avoid. As the monkey slid across the ground on its two legs and a hand, another set of knives came flying from another direction, causing it to jump away again.

Before the Congalala touched ground again, it noticed something coming up from behind it, nearly inches from its back. A Naruga Karuga, its eyes glowing red with its claw wound back.

The stealthy wyvern raked its claws across the primate's back, then bounced away as the Congalala spun around and threw a kick. As the two got their bearings they stared each other down, breathing in and out as they prepared for battle.

The Naruga made the first move, flicking its tail that launched its knife like spines a the Congalala. With a back handspring the Congalala dodged most of the spines, catching the remaining few with its toes as they flipped over his body. As it came onto its feet again, it saw the Naruga already having lunged towards it, wing blade swinging across at its head. With a sidestep the Congalala avoided the strike, but as soon as the Naruga landed just a couple feet away it spun back around and swung with its other arm.

The Congalala caught the Naruga's wrist, then turned around and rolled the Naruga's arm over the Congalala's shoulder. Then in the same fluent motion, the Congalala did a flip while holding the Naruga's arm, forcing the Naruga to do the same, ending with it slamming the Naruga on its back and coming down on top of it.

The Congalala rolled backwards off of the Naruga, then immediately did another front flip again, bringing its heel down like an axe. The Naruga twirled away before its head was caved in, and in the same spinning motion swept its tail across the ground with its barbs extended, gouging the earth. Pulling its foot out of the ground, the Congalala jumped up just in time for the tail to pass underneath, only grazing its fur with the tips of the spines.

However, still in one continuous motion, using its hands on the ground in manner comparable to a break dancer, the Naruga transitioned to a second, overhead tail swing. Still airborne, the Congalala could not dodge, but started to inhale deeply. It's stomach began to expand dramatically, assuming a rock like sturdiness, but not quickly enough. The Naruga's tail slammed the Congalala into the ground and deflated it like a balloon, knocking the wind of it in multiple senses.

Now on all fours again, the Naruga turned back around as the Congalala rolled over, still recovering from below. The Naruga started to rush to attack the Congalala from behind, but suddenly went blind as a brown substance covered its eyes. As the Naruga recoiled with a frustrated cry, the Congalala stood up, turned around, and then spun around again with a roundhouse kick across the Naruga's face that sent it flying through the forest.

Stopping when it hit a thick tree, the Naruga blindly threw more spines as it wiped the crap off of its face, hearing the Congalala running towards it. Recovering its vision just in time, the wyvern ducked low and brought its arm up, redirecting the Congalala's spear hand into the tree. Its long claws got stuck in the wood, allowing the Naruga to snake around to its behind and swing its tail into its back, slamming it into the tree.

The Naruga took further advantage by clawing at the Congalala's back with a powerful swing, and went for a second but was elbowed in the jaw when the primate's arm finally came loose. Following up, the Congalala kicked backwards, spun around with a backfist, then continued the spin with a kick across, all of which were blocked or avoided.

The Naruga swung with one claw, but was caught by the Congalala's and then their fingers interlocked. The same repeated with the other claws, and then the two wound their head back and smashed them together with headbutts. This too repeated, breaking the banana like crown of the Congalala.

Still holding hands, the Naruga jumped up and kangaroo kicked the Congalala in the chest, forcing it to release its grip. As the Congalala stumbled back, still in midair, the Naruga flipped backwards and launched more spines at the Congalala, landing a few in its legs. The Congalala fell to its knees, allowing the Naruga to step up, whip around twice and then smash the Congalala with its tail and all its momentum, sending it flying across the ground like a rock skipping across water.

The Congalala was really like a rock across water when it started bouncing across the surface of a nearby river, eventually coming to a stop and sinking to the bottom. As it groggily recovered, it saw the Naruga charging from the distance, but also a flow of (freshly dead) fish coming towards it like a conveyer belt.

A barrage of needle sharp Pin Tuna and a bunch of other fish started flying towards the Naruga, most of which missed and the remaining of which were deflected, all lodging themselves into trees or the ground. Its own spines, some rocks, a couple of hunter's weapons, a Shakalaka crown (?) and a Melynx were among the mix, and then a giant Spear Tuna the size of a Bullfango. The Naruga avoided or redirected them all, but noticed too late that a cluster of highly explosive Scatterifsh were concealed just behind the large Spear Tuna, about to be set off by a lesser explosive Burst Arrowana.

The explosion was triggered as planned, sending the Naruga rolling to the side through some small trees. The Congalala was soon upon it again, swinging a giant Gastronome Tuna with two hands and smacking the Naruga upside the head. After dodging two more swings, the Naruga swung its wing blade across and severed the fish, sending the main body sailing off into the distance.

The Congalala backed away and tossed the remaining fish tail over its shoulder, and at the same time the Naruga whipped around once more with its spiky tail extended. Stepping in, the Congalala caught the tail under its arm at the unbarbed section closer to the Naruga's body.

Transitioning the force of the tail swing, the Congalala spun around swung the Naruga around with it, pulling it off the ground like a cat clawing a carpet. It went through two revolutions, smashing the Naruga through bushes and trees, before tossing the pseudo wyvern back towards the river and through some more forestry.

Still in the air, the Naruga dug its claws into the ground to slow itself, and then was clawing through the water surface as it passed over the stream. Coming to a halt, it stood on top of the water like a floating leaf, oscillating up and down slightly. Then the Congalala came crashing down with a mountainous belly flop, practically emptying the river for a moment with such a large splash but missing the Naruga as it jumped back.

Landing on top of the water again, the Naruga began twirling its tail, loosening more spines to be thrown (how it hadn't run out of spines already was a mystery, but the secret was as simple as they had been replaced during a camera cut). At the same time, while the river began filling itself back in, the Congalala lowered its head and began sucking in water, visibly lowering the water depth.

As the Naruga flung its barrage of bone knives, the Congalala, stomach engorged, began spewing out water with its lips tight, making a jet stream like a Plesioth that could cut steel. The spines were annihilated and the Naruga leapt of the river back into the forest, and kept moving as the Congalala began sweeping the beam across. Everything was cut down at a certain height, and for several seconds trees kept falling over on top of each other.

As the razor like stream of water began to catch up, the Naruga came to a sudden halt then did a backwards flip, jumping over the stream as it passed underneath. It landed on one end of a very thick tree that had fallen over another perpendicular tree. When the Congalala landed on the other end, the Naruga was lifted up several feet exactly like a seesaw.

The two quickly rushed the middle and engaged, exchanging a variety of spinning and jumping kicks, punches, tail swings, claw swipes and every other appendage related kind of attack known to man and monster (and a few others). As they jumped up and down, moved back and forth and switched sides, the balancing tree rocked back and forth indecisively, slamming one of its ends into the ground every now and then.

Finally the Naruga jumped over the Congalala and swung its wing blade down, missing the Congalala but cutting right through the tree, letting both ends come down to the ground. The Congalala repeatedly flipped down one side like a gymnast on the beam, pursued by the Naruga, then bounced off the end with a quadruple flip. Landing straight on its feet, it held its arms out and made a Y like shape with its arms. Four Felyne quickly appeared from the wreckage and held up score signs (one of which was sideways).

When the Congalala landed though, it landed on a smaller tree also lying perpendicularly across another tree, sending the other end snapping up like a garden rake. The Naruga nearly impaled itself on the tip of the tree as it lunged at the Congalala, bending it like a pole vault pole, which then erected back into shape and threw the Naruga back. Stepping off of the tree, the Congalala sought out and picked up another tree about half a foot in diameter, twirling it around its neck and above its head with style.

More razor spines came, which the Congalala blocked with its weaponized tree, and then the whole Naruga spinning around like a frisbee, tail extended, which the Congalala also blocked with its tree. Jerking its spiky tail out, the Naruga drew back then dove forward with a swipe, and at the same time the Congalala wound back, stepped forward and swung across.

The two monsters passed by one another, sliding apart a few feet, and then both turned around. The Congalala's tree suddenly was cut in two just past its grip, making the ape let out a surprised grunt. It was distracted just long enough for the Naruga to whip its tail across its face, then go for a lunge. Stepping back but quickly recovering, the Congalala thrust forward with its claws held like a spear.

When the two connected, the Congalala felt its claws pass right through the Naruga as if it wasn't even there. Suddenly behind the Congalala, the Naruga bucked both of its feet backwards, sending the Congalala stomach first into an overturned tree. Before it could recuperate, the Congalala felt both of the Naruga's claws tear through its back in an X shape, then back out again sideways.

The Congalala let out a sudden and violent fart, but the Naruga jumped back out of range. As the Congalala hazily turned around, the Naruga let out a mocking screech, crouching low. With a quick movement, suddenly it seemed like multiple Naruga were surrounding the Congalala in a circle, after images of some kind or whole clones.

The Congalala looked around in fear, grunting and breathing heavily. Never before had it seen a technique like this, except when a Melynx had a bunch of identical brothers, but this was different. The Congalala was already growing tired, hungry, and, figuratively speaking, out of gas. The Naruga was already a formidable opponent, but now several times more so with its copies. For once, the Congalala was truly scared.

It didn't have much longer to think before all of the Narugas came charging in, climbing and jumping whatever fallen forestry was in the way. The Congalala tried to break out by rushing one side, but as soon as it was out all of the Narugas pursued and started attacking. They struck in rapid alternation, one right after the other, coming from different angles in quick succession with razor spines constantly flying. For every strike the Congalala avoided or blocked five more connected, and then more as the injuries built up.

To escape, the Congalala let out an explosive fart, making a shockwave and enveloping the whole area in brown cloud, also launching itself up high into the air. Before it got far though, one of the Naruga suddenly appeared from above and tail slammed the Congalala back down, slamming into the earth with such force that the odorous gas was blown away.

Opening its pained eyes, the Congalala rolled away just before another tail slammed into the ground, then dove over another swing and rolled under a third. The onslaught ensued, moving through the forest that was further destroyed. The Congalala took a double sideways tail slam that sent it rolling through the fallen trees, eventually stopping in a relatively open patch.

As the Congalala rolled over and struggled to stand, the Narugas quickly assembled in a circle around it again, turning towards it. Just as the Congalala was on its feet again, all of the Narugas ran forward, simultaneously attacking from all directions and heights.

After sliding past the Congalala, each of the Naruga back flipped and slammed their tails into it, making a crash that shook the land.

As the dust and leaves started to settle, the Naruga pulled their tails out and checked over their shoulders, seeing the Congalala still and bloody. One started to walk away, the others soon following, and they all eventually phased into the lead back into one Naruga.

Lying in a forming puddle of its own blood, the Congalala's claw twitched then slid across the ground as the beast tried to pick itself up. Memories of little Conga went through its mind, punching a tree while overseen by a gray pink Congalala. Then there were memories of the mentor Congalala on its back, uttering its dying grunts, and then of a girlfriend Emerald Congalala slapping it across the face with rejection, then getting back together later, and then breaking up again.

Gnashing its teeth with tears in its eyes, the Congalala got onto one leg, alerting the Naruga in the distance of its presence. The Congalala stood up fully, breathing heavily, and started fixing the broken crown on its head back into its original banana like shape. The Naruga turned around and started running back, wriggling its tail to ready more spines. With its head crest repaired, the Congalala looked up, fire in its eyes.

Once in a certain range, the Naruga jumped up and started flipping repeatedly, launching its spines in volleys. The Congalala hopped up, caught some with its toes, then its other toes, then each of its claws and finally its yellow teeth. It landed on one foot in a crane stance just as the Naruga came down with a merciless overhead tail swing, but negated the attack completely just with the tip of its third arm tail.

As the Naruga went to land, the Congalala hopped again off one leg and crane kicked the Naruga, sending it hurtling across the ground. After it slammed into a fallen tree, it met with its own barrage of razor spines, returned by the Congalala.

Groaning, the Naruga looked up and saw the Congalala standing just inches from its face. It split into several Narugas in a circle again, but didn't save itself from being skewed to the tree by the Congalala's claws.

One of the Narugas charged from behind while the Congalala was occupied, but only ended up strangled by the Congalala's tail. Holding the Naruga, the Congalala tore its claw out and elbowed the captured Naruga in the same motion, then immediately spun around and severed its head with a claw swing.

The Congalala sidestepped just as a tail crashed down in its place, then grabbed the tail with both arms and swung the Naruga into the nearby tree, and then overhead again onto another advancing Naruga. Before either could react, the Congalala slammed down on them both with its heels like a spear.

Two more Narugas attacked, swinging their wing blades low and high from opposite sides, which the Congalala dodged by jumping and going completely horizontal, slipping between the two passing limbs (despite its protruding belly). As the Congalala landed and the two Narugas looked forward again, the Congalala grabbed each of their heads and bashed them together. Following up, it chopped each of their necks just behind the skull, then flipped forward and dropped and axe kick on each of their heads.

It caught a spine from behind with its tail and deflected a couple more with it, then stood up calmly and discarded the blade. Only one Naruga remained, scared for its life and panting. Each of the deceased Narugas faded away and back into the original as the Congalala turned around, ready to end it all. The two stood idle for a long moment, staring each other down. A strong wind blew by that caused a couple of trees leaning against each other to fall over completely, and that was when the Naruga ran forward.

Once it was a couple strides away, the Naruga dove forward with its arms out, and swung its two sets of blades across. In the same moment though, the Congalala puffed out its stomach, letting the blades grind across its stone like exterior and the following outward double claw that followed up.

Letting its stomach deflate (out its rear), the Congalala suddenly snapped its head forward, head butting the Naruga into the ground. It then grabbed the Naruga's head, rolled backwards onto its back (bringing the Naruga with it) and then kicked it straight up into the air with both legs. After rolling forward onto its butt, it strained for a moment before letting out an enormous but sustained fart, propelling itself into the air like a rocket and leaving behind a visible trail of brown gas.

The Naruga spread its wings to fly, but was violently struck by the missile Congalala. Still unleashing the continuous streaming fart, the Congalala unleashed a mad flurry of every kind of attack faster than the eye could follow, sending itself and the Naruga high into the sky. For nearly a minute the Naruga was beat and torn senseless, little more than a ragdoll or punching bag of the Congalala.

The two achieved an altitude most monsters could not fly at, slowing to a halt, but the Congalala went slightly higher than the Naruga. It drew its head back like it was going to vomit, then hurled up a fireball towards the highly flammable tower of gas it just emitted. Just as the trail of explosion began, the Congalala propelled itself downward with another rocket like fart and resumed kicking the shit out of the Naruga and kicking its ass. They kept perfect pace with the explosive trail, always were the current ignition was.

The two nearly reached supersonic speed as they sped towards the ground, displacing the column of gas as air violently blew past them. Finally, they slammed into the earth like a giant meteor, shaking the earth as trees were uprooted and blasted away into the far distance.

As the smoke and dirt cleared and settled, the Congalala could be seen sitting in a giant crater, holding its legs up and sitting on where the Naruga's head would be if it weren't buried underground. It left an imprint of its butt as it stood up and dusted itself off, then looked over at the Naruga, left on fire, shredded, mangled and dead.

Having avenged no one in particular, protected nothing but itself and upheld no particular ideals, the Congalala started walking off into the sunset that wasn't there a second ago. Those that would discover this battlefield would know and tell the legend; the legend of the great Kung Fu Congalala.

As the Congalala climbed out of the giant and went back on all fours, a finger of the Naruga twitched and an off screen Wyverian played a dramatic tune.

Closing Comments:

Any comments and constructive criticism is appreciated, as well as pointing out any grammatical or spelling errors.


End file.
